Confessions to Maa

Sneaking your tears in the edge of your Saree

You made it look all so easy,

Ruffling your wails in the corner-most storeroom

Faking a smile from midnight to noon

You never let us miss Daddy.



You switched your side while I stretched  my dream

You baked those breads before the sun was ready to scream,

You extra-pressured your swollen paws

To hold me higher

Ignoring neighbourhood guffaws

Your dreams were already on pyre.


While I watched the game of fire & rain

Mum, how did you hide that solitude

And camouflaged your pain?

I remember those chilly nights

When you held my icy feet with all might

When I walked out on you

To my friends, my other-life

To my not-so-prepped exams

You stood sleepless by my side.



When you rebelled to my stupidities

I misspelled your love

Your hope to better tomorrow

My shams added to your sorrow.


When your snuck out so quietly

I wondered it was a bluff

Fact stood there bitterly

And you turned lifeless in a puff,

Stone were the eyes

Heart no more to commit

My guts whimpered per nano seconds

To see your silent exit.


- Jheeni

Sleepless Conversations

Shot during dusk in Kathgodam

A coughing night, and an insomniac figure

Walking by the living room, fidgeting for slumber

Moon dispensing the wit

Contending peace, tearing thunder.

Shaking the silence, I compete with the night

Cough & Kick, Cough & Kick

Rib Cage pounces in fright,

Staring in the mirror

I unbutton my shirt 

Ah, there it is, 

a bird cage ready to blurt

Heart gets noisy

Or maybe nosy?

I wondered what's in there

A dream in making or the one broken?

Hollow & devoid, I wished it stayed cosy. 

I seek another life wide awake, not too far

A tonga chimes somewhere, 

I guess door left ajar,

I tap the dead clock

And wonder what's the time?

A train makes a ruckus

Honking & chugging in rhyme.

I see stillness within the train

Figures asleep in oblivion

Heart throws a little tantrum

While train rides with no pain.

- Jheeni

Abandoned

Born to happiness

Raised to pride

Every boat sailed to tide

Creators smiled

Watched every mile!

The algae was slimy

The fishes, too horny

They’d hit the boat

Danced with Mr. Toad

Teenage on board!

Spilling water washed the edges

The boat was assured –

There’ll be more sledges

Gap gushed, heart choked

Boat sighed, God is one Bloke!

Storm subsides, boat revives

Finds a way back, every hope alive

Neither grasped a breath

Nor focused on death.

The Homeland was grave

The fishes played naïve

Mr. Toad lied upside

Creators were barely in sight

Was there any word like ‘Demise?’

A decade long tale

None bothers,

None remembers,

An abandoned boat descends

Every second is a deep slumber!

Life starts with the coffee and muffin, passes by cherry and yoghurt, dances along cheddar and wine, but eventually aborts when the night is on. Life is dead that night – Kaida!

Mundaneness

Just walking in the rain

Eyes fluttered with water & grain

Fear to filthiness, cheer to craziness

Life is broad, I am the happiness.

Water washes the spots

Gods tinkle the blots

Ruining the bad dream

I could still join the dots

Moon pays the pence

Cloud shook the fence

Candle roared in defence

Read my lips, 

another day on commence!

Karma Tonic: Chapter 40: Hiccup

A minute long hiccup

Was it scotch or buttercup?

A threat to scupper the night

Or a simple recall, lovely and bright.

Who recalls me?

A fiend, a pal, a lovely crush

A rialto in the past

The neighbor’s parrot,

Green and slush

Button up that minute

It was just a hiccup 

Karma Tonic: Chapter 39: That Word

Theory of head that turns mute

Whistle that sounds futile

Wind turns thin, recorded docile

Weight on toes, words are stuck

A push from the gut,

Why don’t you just duck?

Pay me some crumbs; I’ll lend you the word

Story in a pot, head to swirl

Dynamics of business, you sound so nerd

Hands fall in pocket,

Eventually,

Where’s that word?

Karma Tonic: Chapter 34: Betrayal

“Life is short. From here to that old car you know so well there is a stretch of twenty, twenty-five paces. It is a very short walk. Make those twenty-five steps. Now. Right now. Come just as you are. And we shall live happily ever after. ”

— Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita

A woman goes to an astrologer with a crippled heart and a scattered life. She meddles with her horoscope, and passes it to the astrologer. The astrologer stares at it for long and puffs his remaining breath onto the table. Mutters to himself and looks up the woman. He speaks for the first time, 'What do you want to know'? The woman repeats her demand in broken, unorganized syllables, 'Is this ever gonna stop'? The astrologer opens a huge flow chart with various houses of planets, popping in & popping out. He circles three houses in red and looks up at the woman with stern scrutiny, and questions 'What do you survive on.' She clears her throat and says , 'Well, I am a dancer'. The astrologer answers, 'Then go on with it. Don't try to look back, because there's nothing waiting for you back there. Don't look ahead, there's scarcely any light to see the route. Just go on with what you are doing and let the game finish on its own'. The woman appallingly gapes at the astrologer and asks, 'But, that's not an answer to my question! Why not have some normalcy to mundane things? I can certainly change things for myself. I have a heart that is brimming with love, courage that can fight any troupe to protect that love, loyalty that can shake the neighbour's dog and strength that can forgive my own murderer. I'll beat myself black and blue to be loved. I'll let go every fear to enter that dark route. Then why not'? 

Astrologer replies, 'Betrayal follows you'. 

A Story: Take Me Home,Bounty Roads

“I was dead, then alive. 

Weeping, then laughing. 

The power of love came into me, and I became fierce like a lion, 

then tender like the evening star.”  

- Rumi

Four months at NCC Camp, was an exile chosen by her, away from home, in the freezing Delhi Military Area, turned her pale to yellow & callow life. A 13-year old: face that looked Chinese, forehead that looked like grafted from a man, she was returning home after a prideful journey of defense life. The most infamous talkative, turned silent, as if waiting for the storm. Train was rumbling faster to hit at the scheduled time, noisier to shake the anxious guts, while limbo followed everyone's faces. Her face too was getting ridiculous and threatening, as the train moved further.

The fellow cadets were hugging each other, marking sweet goodbyes, exchanging souvenirs and making promises to meet again. But she was lost in her own world, as if someone held her soul and she’s just hanging onto the clutch. She got up suddenly and walked towards the door. She seemed like she was in her deepest slumber, as she footed on the train's door. Few assumed that she'd slip, others watched out of eagerness with a fear that she'd jump. The wind moved swiftly, following and foreseeing the tracks, she stared intently at the missing poles, as if they said something, each time she passed. The train wheels switched the tracks, giving a slight goose pinch to the crowd. The fellow mates got tensed, few called out her name, though nobody dared to come close to her. The train had already entered the junction yet to slow down. The instructor, still tied up with his mind, whether, to rush or hush others, looks bewilderingly unclear. Casting the die, a moment next, avoiding the stiffened circle around him, the instructor hurried towards the door to get hold of the girl. The frantic steps froze when he realised that the girl had already jumped off the train. 

“I want you always to remember me. Will you remember that I existed, and that I stood next to you here like this?” 

The appalled faces, let out themselves from windows and doors, in fear and disgust. Few ran to the door, few screamed vaguely. Most of them looked like they lost their toes during sleep.The girl's body was loosely hanging there. She was hanging in her father’s neck, hugging and kissing him, crying and hugging back. It looked like a valley of heaven, a grandeur of love, as if they were meeting after many worlds and oceans had walked past them!

Jo bhi pyaar se mila, hum ussi ke ho liye

Karma Tonic: Chapter 26: Losing a Fall

An embryonic faith

Delving with time,

Vigour to capture

Beseeching a taste

Sun was loud,

Night was never a waste

Speaking of a story

The pages flew in haste.

Laughter to love, humour to hell

Chimes sang, dancers played

Mother smiled, children waved

Action-packed skids, cars to bet

Oh, the lyrics,

Oh the epilogue.

A pillow over a pillow

A slight shift of eyes

A squirming soul

A fear of losing the chapter

A fear of forgetting the characters

And,

A moment later: the tale just ended.

Just a kick in my heart, when I start with a book that affects my mind and heart, my mundane things, my belongings and my expressions: this one is for that few minute feeling when I am about to complete a tale in a book, in a series, in a film, in a real-life narration.

Karma Tonic: Chapter 25: Madari

A familiar voice …

With a ‘Whoosh’ added, it’s Him! Every time his epiglottis opens to pass a sound, a light passes too! A light that speaks, that shows, Faith. The trust-versed has roped in a bond that’s unique, love is quite obvious, without failure requests to smile a bit, a bit more, a wider one, and wider than ever. Each jump, each move and each step that is celebrated with dance and scream is mark of promises. Tiny glitter in the eyes will give him strength & confidence in you. And the heart spells

Is this a dream?

Are You?

Sharing is equal, so is bonding. The applause is shaking; the tears roll with joy & anticipation. The hand slightly moves above the tummy, reaches out the heart and asks the heart to stay ‘Still’, as the thumping soaked in joy might be heard by someone. The applause inside the heart might become public. And, with a bare spam of seconds, a thump changes the tone, to rashes and then howls, as the rope that was a bond has turned into a bound. The hands that were held in love are now dragging his trust with pebbles and thorns all over. The faith that had a name is now Nameless! After all, he is the ‘Madari’ (Conjurer).

main jamboora re

Karma Tonic: Chapter 19: Getting the shoes together!

A hiccup dedicated to all those people, who have been dealing with my shoe obsessions :)

My shoe rack stays in my knit box

Night & day with all colours of flip flops

Blue, yellow & mauve

Silver is always too suave

Aah, the brass and gold

Even if my feet is cold

I’ll wear them to my shower rides

And walk them into the jazzy nights

One after the other, the colours grew greedy

I’d pay from my nose for it, unless there’s some needy

While I lose the count, mom pleads,

“You’d tan those ankles, as the sun bleeds”

Hence, begins a new obsession of canvas

The canvas that flashed paints of innocence

Purple, pink & green

Laces that hung till I fell on my spleen

Running by the pebbles of lake

Soaking by the tides of beach

Climbing by the hoods of camel

One after the other,

Jazz of canvas played hither thither

Mommy smiled and sneaked out few

Gave them to little girls with a phew

Replaced colours with all the dues

I pretended that I didn’t knew

She believed that ‘I am cute’

And the life was always in hues

With all colours, right there in my shoes!