Surrender

A broken strap, 

She holds her breasts back.

Boys check her like a meat

Though she gets back to the beat.



Running late for Work

She jumps onto the first bus

Heels waking up the office

She trembles to the notice

Walking sideways 

Avoiding occupied bays

She acted like a Novice.


Eyes rummaging her sanctity,

Was it her number or singularity?

Walking into that cabin,

She heard herself shuddering.

Of Colleagues, Seniors & House Keeping

She hunted for that perfect hiding.

She ruffled her fears & made the noise

People called it Impatience', she called it Voice.

Her neat notes, her loyalty

Her presentations maintained anonymity,

Her hardships turned pale

Fake concern in charity?

Day 2 of her life:

Waiting by the bus stop

She brushes her nails

Sharpens them actually

Hair untucked to neckline,

Bag transferred to front,

She chooses a darker Subway.

A day older,

She thinks she's smarter,

Finding a Blouse that's looser

She pushes the Red lipstick to last drawer...

Walking by the widest street

She decodes the reality,

It's neither her degree

Nor the sanity

It's not even her spirits

Never her popularity

Her existence was the trigger

Her curls, her blusher

She understood her waters

Indeed,

It is the shirt that matters.

- A Girl at Work

Abandoned

Born to happiness

Raised to pride

Every boat sailed to tide

Creators smiled

Watched every mile!

The algae was slimy

The fishes, too horny

They’d hit the boat

Danced with Mr. Toad

Teenage on board!

Spilling water washed the edges

The boat was assured –

There’ll be more sledges

Gap gushed, heart choked

Boat sighed, God is one Bloke!

Storm subsides, boat revives

Finds a way back, every hope alive

Neither grasped a breath

Nor focused on death.

The Homeland was grave

The fishes played naïve

Mr. Toad lied upside

Creators were barely in sight

Was there any word like ‘Demise?’

A decade long tale

None bothers,

None remembers,

An abandoned boat descends

Every second is a deep slumber!

Life starts with the coffee and muffin, passes by cherry and yoghurt, dances along cheddar and wine, but eventually aborts when the night is on. Life is dead that night – Kaida!

Karma Tonic: Chapter 18: Ten Years in a Window

Ten years gone, with one train, and one life,

I still remember the days of anonymity,

When the stars appeared from the same window,

The sun smiled from behind the lil hills,

The lil hills that were covered with bright greens,

The bright greens that sprouted on tress, fields & bushes,

I felt the fields called my name,

I felt that the humanity hello-ed me,

My childhood danced to the miracles of this lil window

This lil window that hung to this ever-so-long train,

From where, I could see hay-huts,

Huts, with presence of life,

Huts that flickered in ambered oil lamps,

The amber flashed hope,

The amber that almost expanded in every 10 meters,

The amber that smiled in the entire village.

As each village passed,

I could almost feel a warm eye-contact,

With every amber-filtered hut dwellers,

I was thrilled, and the train’s whistle added to my stature,

My stature of thoughts,

I was thrilled,

I was smiling,

And the window halted,

I knew it was the train,

Well the belief said it was the window,

As if I sailed with the window frame,

There was no other world beyond this window,

This is the same window that acquainted me to hope,

The same window that played me a company,

A company of green-ness,

A company of severeal amber-lit huts,

I was filled, I felt complete.

As I have grown old,

I have seen this thrill and joy breaking,

Letting the bushes pass,

Letting the river flow underneath,

Watching the bleak fields,

I raised my eyes to the sky,

The sky that was hidden,

Hidden with the rubber rim of my window,

The sun that burnt passed the two layers of the same window,

And made me pull the curtain down,

Halt the show that played along ten years,

With the disappearance of anonymous figures all the way long,

The train no more whistles,

Or maybe I can’t hear it no more,

The amber-ness of the huts have turned silver,

It hurts my eyes, it hurts my hope,

Bah, the days have gone, ten years have gone,

Greens and hills have gone,

And the window just throws me back in a reflection!

Karma Tonic: Chapter 16: Recalling a ripple

A lake that almost stands still, next to my little house. I felt the connection when I saw it first time.  I thought at first, this might be crazy, so I expressed this connection to a few. They’d smile and rub my hair, and say ‘we understand baby, we understand’. No, they did not, because I myself didn’t. Today, when I stood blankly watching this little water body next to my house, I realised the connecting point. It was him.

A little movement in you,

And I shiver in hope

The ripple that you flash

It shakes my heart

It reverberates,

Oh I know him

aah, should be him!

I know its lame

I know it’s unrealistic

I know it’s a poem

But I know it's him.

A single drop in you

Must have sailed,

Sailed all the way,

To me, to my silent love

I know you have that drop

I know you have that point

Where I can say ‘hello’ to him

When I spent my evenings with him

When I talked to him

About my affairs

About my non-affaire too,

Oh he listened,

He guffawed with me,

At times, he’d touch my toes,

Wash me wet,

Probably, to let the bondage flow

I’d jump off frightfully,

He’d push back to calm me down.

I’d smile, a little conscious

Then I get used to the wetness,

Then I get the message of the wash.

Oh, I know you have him,

Tell me oh little lake,

That you have him,

In form of drop,

In form of wetness,

The bay I talked to,

The bay I cried to,

The bay I lived by,

The bay that you have him!

To the sea, I spent my 7 months alone and calm: Miss you ‘Oh Sea’

Karma Tonic: Chapter 10: Grassland

and heaven can weight!

A little girl finds her long lost parents waiting for her in a grassland. Grassland that’s vast, grassland that’s dry as gold,  grassland that’s soft as cotton loaves, grassland that’s going to be her most cherished place from now on! She’d have anytime hated to come there, but then the glimpse of her parents widened her eyes, created a thrust in her scream and made her run like a kite across the field. She could see a beautiful pair walking into her, smiling mysteriously, holding a tiny bowl. The girl ran and caught the bowl, found a pink little fish sailing and swimming in her own space, passing squeaks while looking into curious eyes of the little soul outside the bowl. The girl’s heart then filled with tears, tears that marked the joy of meeting her parents, tears that flew never before, tears that told her tale of loneliness for plenty many years without them, tears that said ‘I won't roll down for anything now', and hugged her daddy’s neck like she’d leave never again!

Yes, heaven can wait, because heaven is right here in the grassland!

Karma Tonic: Chapter 9: A Morning Dream

I often get up in the morning, think of something nice and pretty, cross my fingers, clench my eyes and go back to sleep!
Why?
Mom says, 'a morning dream isn't a dream, it is a reality rain check to your future'
aye aye morning!

Karma Tonic: Chapter 8: Best Friends/Bushes in me

bushes in me

The roads are noisy, but the rains were noisier,

And I found my way in my flip flops sleeker & sloppier.

But not to worry about the splash, as I knew an umbrella man,

He often walks in with a cloak that never drains,

And I know he’d lend me today.

The doors will open in the neighbourhood,

And I’d be safe and sound with all that warmth & care,

Till he comes down and breaks the shutter to carry me!

Oh look he's coming, and he's wearing the magnificent cloak!
Though in a moment I could smell something familiar,
It was her again.
She came over me and held my hand, and kicked my butt.

She allowed that scream to flow across me,

The noise of my soul that was stuck in the lung,

The guts of my life that hid deep down.

As I stood stagnant & stronger than ever,

While we walked like our childhood rains,

Oh Mother, look, there waves the umbrella man!

Karma tonic: Chapter 7: Limbo

So when the best friends say, ‘Dunno bout others, but I love ya loads’, we are not taking homosexuality into consideration. She might even snuggle in her phone to make me feel complete and centered, but I know that the corners are shady and the corners are calling.

How a young woman reaches out to her dreams, by simply believing in what people advice. But should dreams be followed with an advice?

How a young dream turns into a screeching nightmare, and all that's left is a fear to lose. Awaited is the moment to get rid of this fear.

How the treacherous fate falls with shallow noise and harder pain, crack opens another hope, every end of the night.

So what, if the night was darker?

It rained today and I had the fleet of buzzing dragonflies filling in the loneliness of my balcony. The rains makes me cry at times. The strength and the coercion with each drop makes me go through my fury, my pain, my helplessness and my dream, as it breaks, by every end of the night.

That bordered, shadowed limbo, laughs at me within the eerie howls of hounds, as I wait for life to give it back to him!

Karma Tonic: Chapter 5: A Voice of Water

Trivia: Kalpana’s mother died when she was yet to season from her teenage. Being the only daughter, she was left with none, but her father who had actually lived his life with a soft heart, which needed someone always. Hence, he remarried, and Kalpana got a step mother, for a cause.

It was the prideful morning of Republic day, Jan 26, two days after her birthday. The morning was bright & sunny, as if the last drops of mist were leaving the coast. Another day to begin her 23 years of life, free thoughts, free dreams but her realms were struggling to break the sharp fringes of autonomy that her step mother Jiya ran in the house. Kalpana didn’t mind entertaining people, even if they are the ones responsible for her losses. She considered herself a stronger person, and patient.  All I have to do is tie a life-jacket around my chest & jump ‘HOLA’! They all planned another belated birthday celebration: which means another mannequinnic Kalpana rising outta her road-maniac look. In short, she dressed up and not to forget the fake smile that she bought from the weekend sale, to make her people happy. Although, she was fed up of dreaming, she was fed up of cutting fake giggles and serving as apples, she was fed up of thirst till her tongue turned white, she wanted to break free, but the basic guts were seamlessly loosing the sight.

Anyway the day had to be kicked-off hence Kalpana helped Jiya in the kitchen. While Jiya kept a swollen-neck face & a taunting eye for being part of the courtesy, Kalpana sighed again. She went out with her father to buy the vegetables & groceries. It was raining like usual and Kalpana loved rain. Rain was something that made her day as she exclaimed happily each time, the drops of rain soaked her rough hair as she splashed her toes! She again blotted off the harshness of the ones she loved. She smiled & walked into the kitchen, warmly holding Jiya & persuading her to relax. Jiya reacted impact-less & tightly hostile. A tiny line of pain scratched Kalpana’s smile. She helped out in cooking with scare & anguish, though failed to scream-out the frustration. She kept waiting for her father to look at her once & feel bad for her, though failed. The relatives came in by seven & sprinkled their expensive gifts quoted with price tags (Oh my god, I forgot to remove the tag) & social formalities of mentioning RSVP of the evening, several times. The kids loitered around the house as Kalpana played with them tirelessly but joyously, rubbing their little feet, kissing them several times & grabbing them in her arms as each time she felt numb! The evening went off, with Kalpana wearing the expensive clothes & forge smile. 

Again the darkness took over and Kalpana looked around the dark corners of her room. Dead-tired, she dropped into her bed & pulled out her laptop. As the black LCD reflected back the Kalpana-self, whom she hadn’t met since the last night, her throat yelled for water. She drags herself to the refrigerator & freezes momentarily. Another night nested, with not a single drop of water for her, while she looked at the empty water jug lying ruthlessly on the table as her step mother lies cozily in her bed bordered with the last four water cans.

Karma Tonic: Chapter 4: Emptiness in Blood

Wandering alone

Blood relations matter when the relatives respect the blood and protect the same from dripping off the nerves. An illusion that he or she is happy, an illusion of those who have lost it; but I know that I am humane. No point creating truth less ideals because, each time I come in contact with the real, they are bruised and wounded, while the one left and accused is the one ALONE.

Yes, my book carries this page too. She’d beg, borrow, steal, trick, and bribe LOVE, but eventually it’s all begged, borrowed, stolen, tricked, bribed, that stays away like sea waves. They’d touch you, they may also carry you but eventually they’ll throw you back to the shore. It was a massacre that shook their lives up for years and years, loosing her parents in a fraction of seconds. She howled to the sky, she tore the books that posed poems on happy lives; she unsubscribed the channels that would spoof on a family guy, she hated the sound of music, but eventually fell back. Why? EMPTINESS! She tried to make a beautiful life, took an idea from a Hindi-atypical family drama and tried weaving a row of smiles. But like I said, she could beg, borrow, steal, trick, bribe LOVE, but can’t have it forever. That’s why, the ones who give birth are called PARENTS, and the remaining formers and forwards are called Blood Relatives.

Karma tonic: Chapter 1: Nazrein

karma tonic

When it comes to eavesdropping, eaves-hitting, eaves-ranting or eves-staring for no reason, Delhi is unbeatable! Climb a Delhi metro, and the trail is endless. Me being quite conscious about someone even passing a glance, often tend to take a corner most pillar, be it ladies coach or a common one. Since, it rained today, the ladies in the town were all frilled in funky-gaudy shades. It usually happens among the women, that they often find the next lady dressed either better or worse than hers’, the comparison, admiration and envy are just there in their minds and that I could see in almost every face in the coach. Nine stations and I was still stuck between a long-legged hottie and a fatso tummy blocking my way for some air, while I was trying my level best to breath and inhale the perfumes around and ignore the stinks of whatnots. Thank goodness for my little player playing me 'Stephanie says' - the velvet underground, and I could stay away from the all those mini burps, clenched farts and endless gossips.

But no wonder, I'd love to have these rides, they made me laugh!

It all took place in a fraction of seconds, as my eye hit a young girl dressed in the worst of a dis fashioned jeans, a not-so-wannabe tee top and kitos that were probably pulled out from a 100 buck weekend sale. She looked quite ugly to me with her pimpled-spotted cheeks and messy curls that stunk of coconut oil. I hated to look at her. Nothing attractive! Hence, I changed my back to a better sight. Pushed by another set of ladies at next station, I was compelled to peer at the young girl again. Made me realize in a bit, that she did had beautiful pair of light brown eyes, which made me a lot of sense as I carried on with her expressions. She was looking at me, and others, and a pretty chic who managed a gutsy bag and whatnot accessories. This young girl seemed to be appalled or amazed at this pretty chic, which she kept staring with constant consciousness of getting caught over her helplessness to stare at her. I sensed a creepy feeling all over my skin (like a centipede crawling on my ankle), as I realized that she did have a reason to uncontrollably stare at the pretty things around her. Her toes were backing in embarrassment and maybe family bounds, as she kept checking her own costume, her little plastic bag stuffed with a cheap umbrella and a trigonometry tuition book. I could hear her screaming down her energy in a lonely corner of a jungle with a noisy river flowing next to her. She wanted to be like them all!