Karma Tonic: Chapter 34: Betrayal

“Life is short. From here to that old car you know so well there is a stretch of twenty, twenty-five paces. It is a very short walk. Make those twenty-five steps. Now. Right now. Come just as you are. And we shall live happily ever after. ”

— Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita

A woman goes to an astrologer with a crippled heart and a scattered life. She meddles with her horoscope, and passes it to the astrologer. The astrologer stares at it for long and puffs his remaining breath onto the table. Mutters to himself and looks up the woman. He speaks for the first time, 'What do you want to know'? The woman repeats her demand in broken, unorganized syllables, 'Is this ever gonna stop'? The astrologer opens a huge flow chart with various houses of planets, popping in & popping out. He circles three houses in red and looks up at the woman with stern scrutiny, and questions 'What do you survive on.' She clears her throat and says , 'Well, I am a dancer'. The astrologer answers, 'Then go on with it. Don't try to look back, because there's nothing waiting for you back there. Don't look ahead, there's scarcely any light to see the route. Just go on with what you are doing and let the game finish on its own'. The woman appallingly gapes at the astrologer and asks, 'But, that's not an answer to my question! Why not have some normalcy to mundane things? I can certainly change things for myself. I have a heart that is brimming with love, courage that can fight any troupe to protect that love, loyalty that can shake the neighbour's dog and strength that can forgive my own murderer. I'll beat myself black and blue to be loved. I'll let go every fear to enter that dark route. Then why not'? 

Astrologer replies, 'Betrayal follows you'. 

A Story: Take Me Home,Bounty Roads

“I was dead, then alive. 

Weeping, then laughing. 

The power of love came into me, and I became fierce like a lion, 

then tender like the evening star.”  

- Rumi

Four months at NCC Camp, was an exile chosen by her, away from home, in the freezing Delhi Military Area, turned her pale to yellow & callow life. A 13-year old: face that looked Chinese, forehead that looked like grafted from a man, she was returning home after a prideful journey of defense life. The most infamous talkative, turned silent, as if waiting for the storm. Train was rumbling faster to hit at the scheduled time, noisier to shake the anxious guts, while limbo followed everyone's faces. Her face too was getting ridiculous and threatening, as the train moved further.

The fellow cadets were hugging each other, marking sweet goodbyes, exchanging souvenirs and making promises to meet again. But she was lost in her own world, as if someone held her soul and she’s just hanging onto the clutch. She got up suddenly and walked towards the door. She seemed like she was in her deepest slumber, as she footed on the train's door. Few assumed that she'd slip, others watched out of eagerness with a fear that she'd jump. The wind moved swiftly, following and foreseeing the tracks, she stared intently at the missing poles, as if they said something, each time she passed. The train wheels switched the tracks, giving a slight goose pinch to the crowd. The fellow mates got tensed, few called out her name, though nobody dared to come close to her. The train had already entered the junction yet to slow down. The instructor, still tied up with his mind, whether, to rush or hush others, looks bewilderingly unclear. Casting the die, a moment next, avoiding the stiffened circle around him, the instructor hurried towards the door to get hold of the girl. The frantic steps froze when he realised that the girl had already jumped off the train. 

“I want you always to remember me. Will you remember that I existed, and that I stood next to you here like this?” 

The appalled faces, let out themselves from windows and doors, in fear and disgust. Few ran to the door, few screamed vaguely. Most of them looked like they lost their toes during sleep.The girl's body was loosely hanging there. She was hanging in her father’s neck, hugging and kissing him, crying and hugging back. It looked like a valley of heaven, a grandeur of love, as if they were meeting after many worlds and oceans had walked past them!

Jo bhi pyaar se mila, hum ussi ke ho liye

Karma Tonic: Chapter 33: Blue Silences

Painter: Edward Munch

You were in the wind

You dared to sing

You knocked, you blocked me

You shook me, you shattered me

You whispered in my screams

You shouted in my dreams

You scared me like a spirit

You held me till I finicked

You mixed my drinks

You pushed me till the brink

You deceived me with the sky

You broke me till rain played sly

You blue thing, you due thing

You broke my swing

Blue silences,

You broke my swing!

Karma Tonic: Chapter 31: Remember Remember

Dawn breaks, alarm crooks

A noisy Yawn and tumble back

Quilt shifts, pillow troops

First rain squeaks, first sun smiles

A little blush, too early for hush hush!

Ride to rush hours

Music covers the honking showers

Tunes put the hatred down

Traffic crumples with a noun

A shiver to an overtake

Heard someone with a throng to wake

He hits my crown, I roar I frown

He mumbled and giggled, I shook and stumbled.

A choreographed act

Shakes my ability of tact

He’s spiritual, he’s intact

Though rubs pass me at every shack

I stop and react, it disappears like a rat

A vision comes in pact

I laugh, I look fat

He is following me in gallows

He is none but one of my shadows

He is not a bloke, but penumbra with arrows

He is none but one of my shadows !

Karma Tonic: Chapter 30: Luck that crawls

A desire backed by a prayer
Bell rings and distance looks so sheer
Loads of joy, skating through a fear

Aah, there it is, lemme cheer a beer
Too close to lose, but clutch failed this year
Oh yes, your bad luck
Laughs at every tear.

You hold on to the rope

Never losing the left out hope

You fight, you float

You let the pain bloat

But bad luck still keeps a scope.

It rains, to your belief

The wash gives you a relief

Sun stumbles, it recedes

You plead till your knees

But guess what?

Bad luck still chuckles by the beach.

Heart is a beast

Always fancies the feast.

Fist of dreams, feast of grief

An inch of love, Oh what a piece,

Windmill halts, scream of beseech
Cream of misery, luck again halts with a screech!

Karma Tonic: Chapter 28: Lesson

A bond full of idiosyncrasy

Or was it some conspiracy

Believe it or not,

But,

What a way of Intimacy

A fistful of unattended promises,

And a fatal legacy

Just like regular dreams,

Dreams woven by Percy & Lucy

Or another shot of tequila

Dreams revealed now by hypocrisy!

A broken democracy,

Don’t need a shot

Let the omelette burn

Don’t wanna express

Warmth not desired

Oh Yes! An autocracy!

Just a little more

Put a little more weight

I am sure you’ll see it

Let the palms play it hard

You’ll be sure to watch it,

Hold the breath

Widen the eyes

Tolerate the cuts

Let go the blood

Hang on to the wall

There’ll be a light

There’ll be a dawn

There’ll be a life,

Just little more weight!

Karma Tonic: Chapter 26: Losing a Fall

An embryonic faith

Delving with time,

Vigour to capture

Beseeching a taste

Sun was loud,

Night was never a waste

Speaking of a story

The pages flew in haste.

Laughter to love, humour to hell

Chimes sang, dancers played

Mother smiled, children waved

Action-packed skids, cars to bet

Oh, the lyrics,

Oh the epilogue.

A pillow over a pillow

A slight shift of eyes

A squirming soul

A fear of losing the chapter

A fear of forgetting the characters

And,

A moment later: the tale just ended.

Just a kick in my heart, when I start with a book that affects my mind and heart, my mundane things, my belongings and my expressions: this one is for that few minute feeling when I am about to complete a tale in a book, in a series, in a film, in a real-life narration.

Karma Tonic: Chapter 25: Madari

A familiar voice …

With a ‘Whoosh’ added, it’s Him! Every time his epiglottis opens to pass a sound, a light passes too! A light that speaks, that shows, Faith. The trust-versed has roped in a bond that’s unique, love is quite obvious, without failure requests to smile a bit, a bit more, a wider one, and wider than ever. Each jump, each move and each step that is celebrated with dance and scream is mark of promises. Tiny glitter in the eyes will give him strength & confidence in you. And the heart spells

Is this a dream?

Are You?

Sharing is equal, so is bonding. The applause is shaking; the tears roll with joy & anticipation. The hand slightly moves above the tummy, reaches out the heart and asks the heart to stay ‘Still’, as the thumping soaked in joy might be heard by someone. The applause inside the heart might become public. And, with a bare spam of seconds, a thump changes the tone, to rashes and then howls, as the rope that was a bond has turned into a bound. The hands that were held in love are now dragging his trust with pebbles and thorns all over. The faith that had a name is now Nameless! After all, he is the ‘Madari’ (Conjurer).

main jamboora re

Karma Tonic: Chapter 24: Mumbles

Killing the spontaneity

It takes only a minute

The music killed the obscenity

What a way to die

Still an effort to sanity

Yet the failure,

I know that my mind is not in place.

Do you know me sir?

You are a spirit, I know

Then why not live in a spur?

It’s too talkative

So what’s with talks?

Drama!

I know that my mind is not in place.

Do not mock me

I am not a planet

Do understand me

Real feel, not so good

Do listen to breeze

It’s the inability

More screams, more hatred

That my mind is not in place

Karma Tonic: Chapter 23: Turning the Page

Where there was whine,
Where there was wail.
So much to think, so much to sail

Screams, howls, drama, disgust

Do you still wanna sail?

Abuse, accuse and then confused

Yet again another morning

To raise hope, to regenerate the fuse

Do you still wanna play?

People say, ‘don’t be afraid’

Pals blurt, ‘don’t feel too much’

Runner says, ‘oh the drama’

Do you still wanna write?

Ink is fading

Blood is drying

Heart is melting

Do you still wanna live?

Karma Tonic: Chapter 21: Pinki Swear

My eyes, with a dream

Always wished for an extra cream

Often overslept, sometimes screamed

Many plateaus, and then a stream

A Pinki Swear, that this

Won’t be just a Dream!

To childhood: when we played Tippy Top and Swore with our Pinkies :-)

Karma Tonic: Chapter 20: Rain

What is rain to you?

Droplets of cold water

Sprinkled on an unromantic mood

Mood that has swings of every garden

Call it eden, so be ridden?

What is rain inside?

A burning heart

With heat that’s insensitive

With lies that’s becoming a belief

A reason, a pray

When the heart pleads

‘Reduce a little pain of mine’

Be it him, be it death?

What is rain that is rising?

A hope that the lies stay lies

A hallucination that this isn’t just hope

A page that doesn’t say the same story

A fear that pays no same ransom

Be it limbo, be it life?

And yet again,

Rain is a veil

Veil to cry

Shower of dreams

Rain is water

Water that’s not salty

Rain is partner

Be it there, so be not…

Karma Tonic: Chapter 19: Getting the shoes together!

A hiccup dedicated to all those people, who have been dealing with my shoe obsessions :)

My shoe rack stays in my knit box

Night & day with all colours of flip flops

Blue, yellow & mauve

Silver is always too suave

Aah, the brass and gold

Even if my feet is cold

I’ll wear them to my shower rides

And walk them into the jazzy nights

One after the other, the colours grew greedy

I’d pay from my nose for it, unless there’s some needy

While I lose the count, mom pleads,

“You’d tan those ankles, as the sun bleeds”

Hence, begins a new obsession of canvas

The canvas that flashed paints of innocence

Purple, pink & green

Laces that hung till I fell on my spleen

Running by the pebbles of lake

Soaking by the tides of beach

Climbing by the hoods of camel

One after the other,

Jazz of canvas played hither thither

Mommy smiled and sneaked out few

Gave them to little girls with a phew

Replaced colours with all the dues

I pretended that I didn’t knew

She believed that ‘I am cute’

And the life was always in hues

With all colours, right there in my shoes!

Karma Tonic: Chapter 18: Ten Years in a Window

Ten years gone, with one train, and one life,

I still remember the days of anonymity,

When the stars appeared from the same window,

The sun smiled from behind the lil hills,

The lil hills that were covered with bright greens,

The bright greens that sprouted on tress, fields & bushes,

I felt the fields called my name,

I felt that the humanity hello-ed me,

My childhood danced to the miracles of this lil window

This lil window that hung to this ever-so-long train,

From where, I could see hay-huts,

Huts, with presence of life,

Huts that flickered in ambered oil lamps,

The amber flashed hope,

The amber that almost expanded in every 10 meters,

The amber that smiled in the entire village.

As each village passed,

I could almost feel a warm eye-contact,

With every amber-filtered hut dwellers,

I was thrilled, and the train’s whistle added to my stature,

My stature of thoughts,

I was thrilled,

I was smiling,

And the window halted,

I knew it was the train,

Well the belief said it was the window,

As if I sailed with the window frame,

There was no other world beyond this window,

This is the same window that acquainted me to hope,

The same window that played me a company,

A company of green-ness,

A company of severeal amber-lit huts,

I was filled, I felt complete.

As I have grown old,

I have seen this thrill and joy breaking,

Letting the bushes pass,

Letting the river flow underneath,

Watching the bleak fields,

I raised my eyes to the sky,

The sky that was hidden,

Hidden with the rubber rim of my window,

The sun that burnt passed the two layers of the same window,

And made me pull the curtain down,

Halt the show that played along ten years,

With the disappearance of anonymous figures all the way long,

The train no more whistles,

Or maybe I can’t hear it no more,

The amber-ness of the huts have turned silver,

It hurts my eyes, it hurts my hope,

Bah, the days have gone, ten years have gone,

Greens and hills have gone,

And the window just throws me back in a reflection!

Karma Tonic: Chapter 16: Recalling a ripple

A lake that almost stands still, next to my little house. I felt the connection when I saw it first time.  I thought at first, this might be crazy, so I expressed this connection to a few. They’d smile and rub my hair, and say ‘we understand baby, we understand’. No, they did not, because I myself didn’t. Today, when I stood blankly watching this little water body next to my house, I realised the connecting point. It was him.

A little movement in you,

And I shiver in hope

The ripple that you flash

It shakes my heart

It reverberates,

Oh I know him

aah, should be him!

I know its lame

I know it’s unrealistic

I know it’s a poem

But I know it's him.

A single drop in you

Must have sailed,

Sailed all the way,

To me, to my silent love

I know you have that drop

I know you have that point

Where I can say ‘hello’ to him

When I spent my evenings with him

When I talked to him

About my affairs

About my non-affaire too,

Oh he listened,

He guffawed with me,

At times, he’d touch my toes,

Wash me wet,

Probably, to let the bondage flow

I’d jump off frightfully,

He’d push back to calm me down.

I’d smile, a little conscious

Then I get used to the wetness,

Then I get the message of the wash.

Oh, I know you have him,

Tell me oh little lake,

That you have him,

In form of drop,

In form of wetness,

The bay I talked to,

The bay I cried to,

The bay I lived by,

The bay that you have him!

To the sea, I spent my 7 months alone and calm: Miss you ‘Oh Sea’

Karma Tonic: Chapter 15: Story of Window

Caught the moonlight that bled through the corner of my window

While, I often sleep to the turmoil of my cringe

Aah, and the little oomphs, the groans

That disturbs the one sleeping next window

But when I say, ‘Oh David, don’t you worry

This cold world is not for you

So rest your head upon me

I have strength to carry you’,

David says, ‘I am already a character in Lazarus, don’t steal me!’

I insist, I Say

That I’d catch the moonlight that bled through the corner of my window

I'd steal the smile for the night

The dreams that hung with a desire

The dreams that hung with a hope

Though the older ones passes and breaks

But I still have the soul to catch

The moonlight that bled through the corner of my window

Oh, the chill passed,

Oh, the breeze caressed

And I caught the last beam

And slept to the coldness of world

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